Why American Christians look so stupid and what you can do about it

Update: This post mentioned at Digg: Why Right Wing Christians look so stupid

The dust has settled and the earnest sister who believed that Mike Huckabee would score a divine victory on Tuesday has now switched her sights to the book of Revelation and Obama’s landslide as definitive evidence of the beginnings of the Great Tribulation.

On our trip out to Wyoming I listened to the program on Crosstalk Radio where they allowed callers to tell who they were going to vote for and why. Almost every single one said, “I’m voting for McCain because I’m a Christian.” Well guess what, folks, I voted for Obama because I’m a Republican and a Christian. The most hilarious caller was a rabbi from New York who really let loose with one of the funniest fuselages of rhetorical afflatus that I’ve ever heard including the cry, “Onward Christian Soldiers!” and “in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice” (Gen. 21:12). So it’s not just Christians who can be stupid.

Then the announcer plays a “very interesting” eleven second recording in which Obama says, “My Muslim faith.” And the saints all nodded their heads and said, “See?”

My brethren, stop being so stupid. Stop forwarding half-cocked emails based on bad logic and spite. A British journalist about choked on his microphone when the seemingly intelligent general manager of an ethanol plant in Missouri started talking about how he could never vote for Obama because he’s scared and in Revelation 13 it says that an olive-skinned Muslim will trigger the Armageddon.

We don’t just look like a bunch of kooks. We are a bunch of kooks. I’d be willing to put up with Christians speaking out on the election if they displayed the slightest semblance of a biblical worldview and a marginal ability to exegete a Biblical text. But they don’t. The eschatology of someone who can find “an olive-skinned Muslim” in the Book of Revelation is that of a deluded moron.

Not only that, our Biblical rhetoric thinly veils a Republican partisanship that is downright idolatry. Bible-Thumpers across the spectrum reveled in the lurid missteps of Clinton. But when Bush showed the militancy of a Caligula we were the first to bow before his throne and overlook war crimes, trampling of civil rights and the most disgusting waste of America’s bounty on bombs rather than bread. We’re not a city on a hill. We’re temple prostitutes at the altars of materialism and neo-imperialism.

Since I’m preaching to the deluded it doesn’t really matter what I say at this point. But I’ll go ahead and list a few things that we might consider in the aftermath of the Presidential elections.

1. First of all then, pray for kings and all who are in authority that we might lead quiet and peaceful lives. (I Tim 2:2)

Make this very simple commitment in prayer: Every time you gripe in public about the President you will pray twice. First, repent of your ungodly mouth and wicked heart and second, pray that God would bless our President so that we can lead quiet and peaceful lives.

2. Here’s how you handle forwarded emails

First, acknowledge to yourself that forwarded emails are always either stupid, a waste of time, or just plain wrong. Second, read the email and then reply to everyone who received that email with these simple words, “THIS MESSAGE IS STUPID AND UNTRUE. Get a life, people!!!” You will lose a lot of email buddies quick. But you’ll also gain back your self-respect.

3. Mock apocalyptic preachers

Every time someone comes on the TV or radio and starts talking about end times prophecy, say to yourself and anyone in the room or car with you, “This guy is an idiot. Don’t believe him.” Then the more difficult task is to actually open up your Bible (not while driving!) and explain to anyone within the sound of your voice why what he is claiming about Daniel or Matthew 23 or Revelation 13 doesn’t have anything to do with the US of A in 2008. If you don’t know how to do that you need to turn off TBN and start studying the art of Biblical interpretation.

4. Let go of abortion as the litmus test for candidates

We’ve had three Republican presidents in the last three decades and I haven’t seen any signs of them overturning Roe vs. Wade. The President is not going to stop the abortion genocide. The Church is. So get down to the crisis pregnancy center and hand them a check. Or volunteer your time. Or raise awareness on this issue within your sphere of influence.

5. Build God’s kingdom through acts of mercy not political activism

Washington D.C. is not the New Jerusalem. The United Nations is not God’s chosen instrument to solve the world’s problems. But we are. Christians in every corner of this globe must grab hold of the world’s greatest needs and claim them as their own. We must wed our destiny to the least of these and especially in America repent of our passivity. We must acknowledge that no government not founded on the sublime teachings of Jesus Christ will ever be able to fix this screwed up world. It’s our job. So get off your butt. Get out of your lavish homes and go mingle with the bruised and broken of this world.

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