How to preach in French
A good friend of mine is soon heading off from a very stressful term as a medical doctor in Benin for a nice break in the great Northwest. However on the way he is stopping in Paris, poor boy, with his wiped out wife, his freaked out kids, and his slightly crazed self. And the Parisian congregation with which his family formed a relationship during language studies has asked him to preach a 20-minute sermon in French.
This friend of mine, we’ll call him Alistair, is a medical doctor, an amateur theologian, fluent in several languages, but also a bit of a melancholy introvert. Under the circumstances, I don’t think it is particularly fair to ask a fellow to preach when he’s returning from the field possibly with clinical depression and enough stomach viruses and amoebas to wipe out the crew of the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. But they insist.
I would have no trouble in such a situation. I can preach at the drop of a hat and my sermons are never boring. In fact, I can hardly wait to start a sermon because I never know how it’s going to end. Like a runaway train my rhetoric rounds the corners on two wheels and sails madly over seemingly impassable leaps of logic. Joined together with much hand-waving and appropriate modulation of tone and volume, when I finally hit the “Let us pray” at the end sometimes entire rows of pews topple over from the effect of so many people sitting on the edge of their seats.
Boring preachers should be shot. They should be martyred by their congregations as an auto-da-fé, a communal act of reverence and piety. I don’t have any advice for would-be unboring preachers other than to recommend that they keep their sermons under twenty minutes. I know this doesn’t sound very spiritual but studies have proven that the average modern mind can not pay attention to anything for more than twenty minutes. In fact I am almost certain that most parishoners fade out after the first canned illustration and don’t come back to their senses until the piano begins to softly play.
So what about you? What would you suggest for this friend of mine who must preach to a roomful of Parisians for twenty minutes? What would you do?
As a doctor, order himself to rest his voice, except for a brief greeting which he can croak in a hopefully convincing imitation of a nasty tropical throat disease.
“when I finally hit the “Let us pray” at the end sometimes entire rows of pews topple over from the effect of so many people sitting on the edge of their seats.”
Too much coffee before the worship service?
Good game on TV right after the service?
Extra good lunch special at the local restaurant?
Sheer disbelief at your unbelievably long rhetorical excesses in exegeting “Jesus wept”?
“In fact I am almost certain that most parishoners fade out after the first canned illustration and don’t come back to their senses until the piano begins to softly play.”
Ah. You really have preached, I see.
What a sad state of affairs. I’ve had to watch my family go through burn out and it has been pretty hard to understand. I never really understood why people say that ‘no one can hurt you like a fellow Christian’ until I moved out on my own.
If I were in his shoes I’d just do it and get on with life. Fortunately it sounds like there is some relief around the corner.
Be brief – 20mins is way too self-indulgent.
Tell stories – preferably a mix that will help listeners engage with what you are saying.
In the circumstances you describe they are not actually asking him to preach (I’d guess) but to talk about why his work matters to him, to God, and to them – so do that!
I had initially thought that this post would going to be about language learning and the challenges of functioning in a language while speaking at such a high discourse level…oh well.
I will forward your comments to my friend. If not any actual help they might provide comedy relief.
I neglected to mention that his wife is a surgeon and they have three children under five years of age. I actually cried reading their email about the strains of their ministry.
Three children under five would be a strain without a ministry. God bless them for tackling both.
You might remind your friend that “what does not kill me, hurts a lot”. And that a few of us are praying for their health and happiness.
We just had a missionary return from Asia and he was asked to give a “report”. He claimed jet lag as the reason he would read his report. It was good and got his message across. With the advanced notice that your friend has received he should be able to compose an interesting 20 minute sermon using illustrations from his work, and even some about his college roommates. I have some fishing flies that his father made that may be woven into his sermon.